so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
