I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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