i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
