so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
