So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
