last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
