drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
