There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
