Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
