From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
