Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
