I skipped work to stalk him.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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