I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
