we have pet lesbian snakes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
