Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
