dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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