dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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