A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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