Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
