did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
