What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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