That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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