i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
