lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
