i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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