life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
