i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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