and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
