Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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