i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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