I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
