i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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