Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
