If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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