i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
