so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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