im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
