and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
