either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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