u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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