ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
