hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
