but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
