I should be sponsored by Trojan
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
