he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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