Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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