Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
