the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
