Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
