i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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