Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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