Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
