my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
