i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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