I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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