we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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