Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
