sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
