Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
