Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
